A SMILE TO DIE FOR

I was going to write what I hoped would be a cute analogy of teasing that goes on between human males and females and compare it to what I think I saw going on in the parking lot at a supermarket between a couple of pigeons. I believe the teasing is done primarily by the female species in the human race and if what I think I saw in the parking lot was accurate, it's done by birds as well.

Maybe tomorrow.

And I guess that's a tease from the male species of the human race.

Jennifer Lopez.

That woman gets to ME!

I've seen most of her films, I wish she'd make another film with George Clooney, but what I like most about Jennifer Lopez in a film is that she strikes me as someone I would feel comfortable sitting next to. Women (or men) who have that ability are proficient in one of two areas. Teasing or they're just real. There's seldom a middle ground or if there is, the middle ground tends to be whacha call, terrifying. Or vanilla.

Did you see Jennifer Lopez on "American Idol" last night? She was coaching the eight remaining singers. I thought she came across as adorable with a smile to die for.

It's a good thing Jennifer Lopez was there, because this was hands down the worst American Idol I've seen this season. I didn't think that ANY of the singers were good. Randy Jackson touched on it briefly when he said, "It's the music!". Yeah, Dawg, you're right. You had eight finalists who couldn't cut it with the BRAND of music they were asked to perform. Contestant Haley Scarnato is fun to look at, but I agree with Simon. She is going to need to keep wearing less and less to keep us interested if she continues to sound like she sounded on that "Turn The Beat Around" or whatever it was "song" that she (gamely) tried to sing last night.

And here's what's really weird. Sanjaya. I know. He's ALWAYS weird, right? All of a sudden, I'm not so sure. While I agree with Simon who said, "I couldn't understand a word you sang!", I also agree with Simon when he said, "But it wasn't HORRIBLE!"

Sanjaya was the show's final performer last night and he "sang" some slow song that was barely intelligible, but you couldn't take your eyes off of him. I mean, give that boy a cow because he's a PROFESSIONAL milker! I've been of the opinion that Sanjaya is a novelty act who would implode one night, we would discover him for the fraud we believe him to be and then (in my case) hope that Haley would match her looks by becoming a better singer.

Last night, "American Idol" showcased two people who kept us interested because of their charm. Jennifer Lopez and Sanjaya. And I guess this column DID end up being about teasing.

Tomorrow? Maybe I'll write about those pigeons, but there's an "American Idol" results show to watch tonight. Along with some singing and charming by Jennifer Lopez.