THE NEW LINDSAY LOHAN FILM MUST HAVE BEEN A "PAYCHECK" DECISION!

A long time actor friend of mine once told me, "If it ain't on the page, it ain't on the stage."

The new Lindsay Lohan film, "I Know Who Killed Me", ain't on the stage.

This movie is flat out terrible!

How terrible! I did something I've never done while watching a film away from home. I nodded off. Several times!

In an unkind review in today's Los Angeles Times, the reviewer is kind when she doesn't mention the names of the director or writer of "I Know Who Killed Me".

I'm not in the mood to let them off that easily. With what they had to work with, the main (name) actors, Lindsay Lohan, Julia Ormond and Neal McDonough were fine.

But the writing by Jeffrey Hammond and the directing by Chris Sivertson was butt ugly awful. Sivertson managed to put an hour and fifty minutes on the screen which would have been okay if after the first thirty minutes, the film started making some sense.

Lindsay Lohan plays a young and brilliant piano prodigy named Aubrey who decides for reasons not seriously explained that she wants to stop playing the piano and....Uh, wait a minute. She's now a stripper named Dakota who swears as much as my old Army buddies used to?...Uh, wait a minute...She's being tortured by some freak who gets off on the color blue? A freak who cuts off one of her arms and part of a leg and leaves her somewhere for her to die only to be discovered as the missing Aubrey or Dakota who no one ever seems to have heard of?

And this movie ends, how? I'm still trying to figure that out!

To me, here's what I know when it comes to "I Know Who Killed Me". If you put a beautiful young woman like Lindsay Lohan in a film playing a stripper and she does her thing on a stripper's pole and none of it, in any shape or form is remotely sexy, how is that possible? If, in this same film, you show Lindsay Lohan making love to a guy while she's apparently nude and none of that is sexy, how is that possible?

Because this movie insults the term "train wreck", the only chance this piece of cinematic garbage would have had to sell tickets, would be to show Lohan nude (it doesn't) and maybe then, the film might have made enough to cover costs. Because in the final analysis, it's obvious the only reason any of the three main actors did "I Know Who Killed Me" was because of the "paycheck".

AND THEN THERE'S "THE SIMPSONS"!

While "I Know Who Killed Me" was generating $3.4 million in weekend ticket sales, did you see what "The Simpsons" generated? A whopping $71.9 million! Matt Damon's new "Bourne" film opens this coming Friday and it'll be interesting to see what happens box office wise next weekend.

ARE WE ABOUT TO HAVE ANOTHER "VIEW" OF WHOOPI?

It's looking more and more like a serious announcement is about to be made regarding cast members on ABC's daytime talk show, "The View". Whoopi Goldberg is said to be the person who would replace Rosie O'Donnell and because the show is looking for two new cast members, we're told that the other leading candidate is Sherri Shephard. I'm not that familiar with Ms. Shepherd, but she looks like she'd be a good "fit".

AND NOW A SAD STORY ABOUT A TALK SHOW HOST:

When it came to doing an issues oriented talk show, no one did it better than Tom Snyder. Snyder could also be flat out funny. Ask Dan Ackroyd. Snyder was an inspiration for Ackroyd when Ackroyd was doing "Saturday Night Live".

Tom Snyder has recently been battling a very tough opponent. Leukemia.

Today, Tom Snyder lost that fight. He was 71 and he will be missed.

BARRY BONDS CONTINUES HIS HOME RUN RECORD CHASE IN L.A. TOMORROW:

Barry Bonds is still one home run shy of tieing Hank Aaron's all time home run record and he'll be at Dodger Stadium tomorrow night for the first of a three game series. I know that most of you heard about the back and forth comments between Bonds and Bob Costas, but did you hear about what Chris Rock said to Costas about the steroids controversy on HBO's "Costas Now"?
While saying (in essence) that he might not agree with athletes who choose to take steroids, he seems to understand where they might be coming from when Rock said to Costas, "If you found out that that Dan Patrick was making 20 times more than you and all you had to do was take a pill, you'd take the pill."

EDITOR'S NOTE: Don't forget! You can HEAR this blog! The links to the stations broadcasting today's blog can be found at the bottom of my links section which is to the right of what you're reading now. It's the last links.

A new blog is written every morning, Monday through Friday and is posted between 7 and 7:15, Pacific Time. Sometimes earlier. Questions and comments can be sent to scottstjames@sbcglobal.net. I do write back.

TOMORROW: Some rare good news about Iraq...The subject of jury duty...A cute story from former long time CNN anchor, Patrick Emory and anything else that makes me say, "Whaaat?!?"